Conflicts are good, they help us grow. But you have to solve them and for this it is very important to have good communication. Below you can see some recommendations that can be summarized as respect, assertiveness and empathy:
Starting with a few positive words is one of the many recommendations made by those who know about this matter. Communication is essential to any relationship. For this reason, it is worth investing in enhancing it... Find out how you can do it...
STEPS FOR A GOOD COMMUNICATION IN THE COUPLE
It can feel like a true cliché, but it is worth asking why it is repeated so much that relationships need good communication as a basis. Those who don't are doomed to failure, at least in some aspects of life. Most relationships begin as a wonderful story, in which both involved have the ability to give in and attend to the needs of the other…For a time.
The next step reveals that everyone wants to impose their ideas in some way. Misunderstandings come along with resentments… María Andrade, an American counselor specialized in couples and author of the book “The Magic of the Heart”, has stated that the habit of ignoring our partner as long as there are problems creates resentment and emotional distance …So it's all part of the mistakes we make in the context of communicating with our partner. We identified four, which are the most common:
- Attack to win more than to reach a solution.
- Not listening to the other.
- Feeling that if you give in you are losing.
BUT, THE PROBLEM HAS A SOLUTION! For María Andrade there are some points to take into account when trying to resolve couple conflicts. The expert highlights:
- Suggest solutions.
- See difficulties as potential possibilities to promote closeness and harmony.
- Make sure that the solution taken is fair for both parties. If you feel that it is not, you should take more time to evaluate the positions.
- When reaching an agreement, both parties must comply with it.
TEN ASPECTS TO IMPROVE COMMUNICATION IN THE COUPLE
Now, the topic is so recurrent that advice abounds and there are even encyclopedias dedicated to this matter. Within so many suggestions, there are some that have stood out, and that have proven their effectiveness in improving the couple's communication. Among them are the ten tips provided by Liberman and his collaborators:
1. THE IDEAL PLACE
Choose the right place to carry out the communication. For example, it is not convenient to discuss things in bed, in front of friends or the children themselves.
2. PAY ATTENTION TO THE OTHER PERSON
Look carefully into the other person's eyes and devote all our attention to what we are saying and the reactions that our criticism provokes in the other person. It is not appropriate to be doing another activity at the same time. When you speak, when you want to communicate, you must devote all your attention and effort to that goal.
3. START ON THE RIGHT FOOT
Always start with a positive comment about the other.
4. TALK CLEARLY ABOUT WHAT WE DON'T LIKE
You must say exactly what you don't like about the other. What we don't like has to be, moreover, “something concrete”. It is ineffective to launch a phrase like "I don't like how you make love to me", since it is too general. It would be appropriate to say something like this: "I don't like it when you touch my muscles like this."
5. TALK ABOUT THE THINGS WE WANT
They also recommend saying exactly how we'd like you to do it and showing it to them with an example.
6. EXPRESS YOURSELF, BUT DO NOT ACCUSE THE OTHER
The call is to learn to express clearly what the other does, in the circumstances that he does it and the feelings that what he does provokes you. But this does not mean turning the words into pure value judgments and accusations. You must avoid that!
7. CONFIRM THAT YOU MADE YOURSELF UNDERSTOOD
In a communication you should not take things for granted. So make sure that the other has understood what you wanted to say.
It is not advisable to jump from one topic to another, but to focus on just one. You always have to try to modify a behavior, not several at the same time.
9. BE CAREFUL WITH THE TONE OF YOUR VOICE
The tone of voice must be “always positive” or, at least, “neutral”.
10. DRAW SPECIFIC CONCLUSIONS
It is important to end this type of communication with concrete solutions and the particular way of carrying them out. In addition, once the solutions are found, they must agree on what each will do to help the solution. Although all these steps may seem somewhat artificial at first, it has been proven that over time they become habits and automate spontaneously. ...Dare to try it and you will see how they help you...!
CONFIDENTIAL AND FREE