Today I was speaking in a training session for a Canarian company about the challenges that we are facing right now as individuals and as teams in companies. We are all living a process of adaptation to a new world with peculiar characteristics. Maybe the word VUCA sounds familiar to you. The Covid has revealed that we live in a Volatile, Uncertain (Uncertain in English), Complex, and Ambiguous world. On this path of acceptance of the new rules that now govern our reality, there are many things we can do so that this situation (or others that come), undermine our physical and mental health. Yes, we can come out stronger and grow towards something new.
Have you ever wondered what makes some people keep smiling and feel relatively well even after experiencing truly critical situations? Have you wondered if it is a matter of luck or is that these people are made of another paste? Maybe someone you admire in this sense comes to mind. He has a courage and a fortitude that impresses. Well, I can assure you that this person you are thinking of is not better than you or me, but that his resilience is highly developed.
The term resilience comes from the physics of materials. Elastic bands or springs have the ability to stretch and return to their initial state. Resilience is the ability to overcome painful situations, to bounce back, to overcome something and come out stronger. Resilient is born and made because it is like a muscle that we can train. This does not mean that we will suffer less, but rather that we will face difficulties by trusting in our abilities and approaching what we live with flexibility and as an opportunity to grow.
Do you want to build your resilience muscle? Here are three keys:
- The first key puts us on target. The first thing we have to consider is to be aware that only we are responsible for our well-being. It seems we haven't discovered anything new with this, right? But in general, we tend to throw a lot of balls out. To find those responsible for our discomfort, to complain: "the fault lies with my partner, my boss, the politicians ...". And a little, because we have the right to complain, but there are people who remain installed in the complaint. And from the complaint they do not mobilize; they stay in a passive role. Only we can take care of our happiness and our mental health, and therefore take the necessary steps to take care of ourselves. Let's not lose sight of the fact that we are the ones who have to manage our expectations, our thoughts, emotions, our time, the way we work, set limits, accept our mistakes, and focus our energies on what we can change. No one can take this responsibility on us. "When we can no longer change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves," says psychiatrist Viktor Frankl.
- Second, if we want to be more resilient we have to stay connected with people, share with the people we appreciate. We cannot isolate ourselves. The longest longitudinal study that has been done so far on happiness has been carried out by Harvard University and it shows a devastating fact: what makes us human beings happy is the quality of our relationships. Neither fame, nor money, nor material possessions is what brings us true happiness. It is an afternoon with a good friend, a walk with my sister, a good life partner. Here You can find the Ted Tak where these data are collected.
Resilient people lean on their loved ones when they are unwell, share what worries them, don't think they can handle everything alone, and ask for help when they need it. In general, when we talk to someone about what we are concerned about, our problem does not change. But just the fact of sharing it, that someone listens to us and understands us, of feeling that connection with the other, that alone is beneficial for our mental health and reduces our stress. The same happens if someone we appreciate is having a bad time and tells us about it. Only the mere fact of being there, of not telling people what to do (because they are the ones who have to find their solutions), but listening to them and empathizing with them ..., can help a friend, colleague or family member who he's having a hard time. Therefore, the idea is to stay connected and take care of the quality of your relationships, not the quantity but the quality. This will make you more resilient.
- And to talk about the last of the keys, I want to mention the father of positive psychology: Martin Selligman. Until Selligman appeared on the scene, psychology was very focused on the disease, on treating mental pathology (depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, etc.). However, he focuses on promoting health. Instead of focusing on what doesn't work, you start to focus on what works in people. And there is an aspect that correlates a lot with happiness and that is gratitude. When we are able to recognize and give thanks for the things we have and not just pay attention to what we do not have, we are happier. There are many ways to develop this: we can create a journal and write down five things for which I am grateful every week; or write a letter to someone to thank them for something they have done for us. You choose the form. Simply the process of thinking about what we have has the potential to reduce stress and increase well-being. As you can see, the attitude we choose when facing situations is key to understanding our state of mind. Viktor Frank sums this up nicely in another of his quotes: “Between the stimulus and the response there is a space. In that space we have the power to choose our response. Our response lies in our growth and our freedom ”.
Maria Jose Ortega
