Do you know what are the obstacles that limit self-confidence? Trust is not a personality trait. It is a personal analysis, it is the internal security that we can achieve what we have proposed. If we have confidence, we will also have motivation to strive, invest time and persist in our goals. Without confidence we are likely to give up over time or even before we start.
Havard Business School professor Rosabeth Moss has researched on the subject and shows us 8 pitfalls we have to overcome if we want to achieve our goals and gain confidence:
- Defeat assumptions. I recently spoke with a good friend who has been assuming for some time that at some point they will kick him out of his company. He also thinks that obviously, he will not be promoted, nor will he succeed, or anything at all. The problem is that since he supposes this, he acts as if that were going to happen and he is closing doors himself. It is one thing to be realistic and another to be a loser before the game begins. Watch out for the analyzes we make and the assumptions we make for ourselves; many times you are biased and distorted, and of course they are extremely defeatist and condition our actions.
- Too large or too far targets. Gigantic, long-term goals undermine our confidence. Confidence comes from getting small repeated victories. Break your goal down into small steps and value each one. Turn each step into a goal in itself. Remember that winners think big and small.
- Sing victory ahead of time. Trust is achieved step by step in a disciplined way, don't forget it! Don't let it happen to you like some people with diets: when they lose the first few pounds and are very happy, they begin to relax and reward themselves with "forbidden things". When recovering what is lost, discouragement is fatal.
- "I cook it and I eat it." To think that you can do it all alone is a trap. Giving and being in contact with others, stimulates happiness and self-esteem. To have more confidence in yourself, think about how you can empower others, recognizing their merits, being altruistic.
- Blame others. Trust is based on taking responsibility for our own actions. Stop blaming other people, society, or external things ... and focus on what you can do to improve and achieve your goals. Focus on what is in your hand and under your control. You can choose how to react in the face of adversity (I recommend reading "The man in search of meaning").
- Get defensive. Sometimes we defend ourselves when no one has attacked us. We take very personal comments. Ask for forgiveness for your mistakes, but not for who you are or how you are. Use your strengths to improve and lead the way.
- Do not anticipate possible setbacks. Trusting is not blind optimism. It means being realistic and looking at what can go wrong, in order to meditate on alternatives and feel prepared for everything that can happen.
- Overconfidence. Between despair and arrogance is confidence, which is a middle ground. Arrogance and complacency lead to neglecting the basics, turning a deaf ear to criticism or reality. We already know the saying that "the higher, the harder the fall". A little humility is necessary so as not to fall into the trap of arrogance.
Maria Jose Ortega